I’ve been doing a lot of teaching on marriage lately, and the one thing that keeps rising to the surface of my thought-life is the need to work at being a good husband! One passage of Scripture that has spoken to me is 1 Peter 3:7, where the apostle says that husbands should live with their wives in a considerate way. A more literal translation is living with your wife “according to knowledge.” What this indicates to me is that a husband should be a student of his wife so that he can be effective at loving her as Christ loves the church (Eph 5:25).

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In studying my wife I have learned much about her over the 17 years we’ve been married. One of the most important things that I believe is true of women in general is keeping the “emotional connection.” Being a pastor means that I’m a very busy person, and with all the things I have on my plate I can easily neglect giving my wife the time she needs, and rightfully deserves. What I have discovered is when I come home and then have to run back to church for an evening activity, if I can give her 15 minutes of my attention, and establish that emotional connection that goes a long way in keeping our relationship healthy.

In order to establish the emotional connection, I have to clear my mind of everything that occurred during the day, and push to the back of my mind what I have to do later in the evening. I need to establish good eye contact with her, be undistracted, be in the moment with her, and be a good listener. If I can pull that off, I’ve learned that my wife is very understanding about me having to go back to church, and be gone for a couple more hours. Establishing that emotional connection with her is a deep need she has, as is true of all women.

Gentlemen, I want to encourage you to think about studying your wife so that you can be a more effective husband in meeting her needs.   Perhaps, you will discover some things about your wife that are eye-opening and then you can start living with your wife “according to knowledge” as the Bible says.

 Dr. Bruce